flight

I woke up as the plane was crashing. 
Lights flashing, 
sirens squealing, [was someone screaming?]
thinking this is the end 
and my mom in my head 
clucked and tsssked and says
‘son, count on you 
to wake up on a Friday 
and blame the weekend 
for coming too soon.’ 
You to my right still asleep and smiling. 
Smiling and probably dreaming 
as it seems like you often did 
at my expense. 
You twitched and rolled towards the window- 
the left half smile of your mouth 
widened slightly 
and below your nose a ghost of steam bloomed 
for a moment on the glass.
a part of a palm
or fingerprint was lit up
for one moment then 
disappeared as fast.
Its weird how far we are
yet seated so near.
The temperature changes and 
my attention is no longer stolen
by where we once were
before this flight. 
In the low light I thought I saw your eyes 
see me in the reflection. 
But tonight those dark lashes 
swallow your gaze. 
Amazed, then unfazed, 
I was allowed to looked again 
and swore at myself for expecting a connection. 
Reactively for a moment I thought- 
you did this somehow. 
And now as a juice box 
cartwheels over my shoulder 
and the snack cart slaloms past 
and the oxygen masks bungie and boop 
across my nose 
all that not withstanding 
I blame you. 
The engine failure. 
The fried navigation. 
The crippled landing gear. 
All your fault. 
All your plan, for us to be together 
at any cost. 
My cost. 
Your loss. 
All hatched inside this wingless bird.