happy for what’s new here

the hand rail’s loose
but it’s never made my grip slip

and the window lets in light and 
i can read despite that small chip. 

there’s a next door nosey neighbour
who always gets under my skin-

so a fresh year, 
what’s the big deal, 
i don’t really get it. 

and what feels new right now
is that this is how it’s always been. 

thinking that tomorrow, with
a year change might bring me 
to a new scene. 

but if i’m being very honest 
i gotta choose a life 
that likely won’t choose me. 

and on top of that the wind pushes 
on my weak side no matter how i lean. 

so hoping to be saved by someone else 
likely won’t change me. 

and what feels new right now 
is that this is how it’s always been. 

with lots of hopeful small talk
about people needing big change. 

but skipping steps in the process 
makes for bigger falls in a losing game. 

what i’ve learned is that 
this thinking always leads me 
back to someone else’s shame. 

walking talking with myself 
on this same path not 
knowing who to blame. 

and what feels new right now 
is that this is how it’s always been. 

looking backwards while running forwards 
makes my ghosts grin. 

so planning without acting 
is a loop that i can’t get in. 

and complaining that things are shit
when it’s all my pile 
gives me no exception. 

it means that if i am working on it,
i’m winning even though 
i may be suffering. 

and what feels new right now 
is that this is how it’s always been.