willing

My initial response to any offer of being near water is 'no'. 

Years ago I also would have felt the phantom liquid lightning of one careless inhale 

hitting that secret place between my eyes, 

the one that makes you wince before you even know why. 

My throat, a young volcano. 

My eyes, fogged windows. 

My brain would have felt like it’s been dunked in static. 

Flail, cough, half-laugh, half-drown. 

For a foreverish moment, the world shrinks to single sensations. 

Sting. Choke. Gasp. 

Now, 

I avoid proximity to water altogether. 

Forced stories, confidences, and earnest 

tears included.