colonoscopy / juice / cookies

The smallest thing, 
amongst many other very very small things 
that were probably known to the universe, 
but unknown to me, 
becomes more known. 

"Chance favours
the prepared mind." 
I guess it follows then,
that 
a prepared body also may benefit
in some way.

A low beeping tone attends me, 
notifications 
sound like medical equipment. 

As prep day arrives, 
emotions and medications mix. 
A schedule made like this means 
another schedule will be broke. 

Yes to here means no to there. 

No to this however is not an option. 

Review the rules.

Food stops, dairy stops. 
Vitamins stop, stress begins. 
Toilet visits increase. 

So, please, 
don’t forget- 
leave the downstairs bathroom for me.

Then sleep decreases.

Rhythms go off beat, 
become syncopated, 
double time. 

Wife becomes spouse 
becomes emergency contact
and all of it becomes 
one big 'stand by’, 
while I am made to sleep.

A chorus 
of metronomic beeps 
lead me and I follow under.

There, then gone, 
then back again 
one hour later.

I splash awake 
to the surprise of Fred. 

"Hey!" I say. 

Too loud, too direct. 
Our sudden eye contact 
causes him to startle.

A frantic split
between looking at me
and suddenly
seeing me.

Gone, then suddenly here. 

He drops the paper he was carrying. 
I ask- 
"What's the strangest thing 
that's happened when a patient 
wakes up?" 

"I have been accused 
of robbing their house." He says. 
I nod, I think I nod.

I check for my missing clothes,
watch, wallet.

All were doffed in advance.
All were piled on my bedside table.

"I could see that happening."

"Do you want a cookie and some juice?

I nod and in my head ask- What type of juice? 

I ask again, but only crackle out 
"Wha kin a juszhhh..?" 
Dry throat words fail me for a second.

Not everything has returned 
from this trip. 

Where's my watch. 
Absent spaces in my mind, 
feel like lost luggage.

Do I need to know
the contents on these past moments.
What would it mean
to leave without them?

Apple juice and a package of cookies 
appear on my side table. 

Fred was here. 
Where did I go?

As I push myself up, 
an echo of Fred- 

"You can leave whenever you are ready. 
We have called your ride."